The Eccedentesiast

Today seems different. The cloudy sky turning gray, the chilly wind embracing each fragile figure it comes across with, the hollow echoes of melancholic sonata piercing through reluctant ears - it is all gloomy and somber. I feel cold, literally and...figuratively. Why am I having this feeling that this would be the end? The butterflies in my tummy were frantic not because they flutter their wings at the sight of a sprouting love but because the only blossom that they have found starts to wither, waning its life, losing its vibrant colors. They were in panic, they were all terrified of its imminent death. As I walk on the empty streets, my mind was drifting aimlessly to the indefinite void. What will happen next? Where will I be? Should I be glad or should I mourn for something I never had? How ridiculous of me to feel so lost in a maze that I made myself to escape from. How I wish I could go back to the time when all was fresh, new and wonderful; when I could feel the rus...

I keep on saying that I won't fall to any enchanting trap, that I can't be fooled by those enticing charms.  I tried to resist, but it all slipped away. I could no longer put my guard up. It's all futile to keep on pushing away. It's like trying to run away from the moon and stars but they still follow you, chasing you, haunting you, 'till you run out of breath. I tried to escape, but the gravity keeps on pulling me to the hard ground, I struggled to get up as much as I can. It's like diving to the deep water but you don't know how to swim, it's drowning and terrifying all at once. I tried not to listen, but the melody of sweet promises echoes to the deepest of my emotional core. It resonates, louder and clearer, capturing my senses. It's like hearing the music for the first time, as if it was written for you, only you, each note and harmony dedicated to your heart. I tried to leave, to loose my grip, but my hands could no longer follow what ...

It has been four years since the last time I entered into a relationship. It was exciting, refreshing, colorful, lively and sweet. It was a first-class trip to cloud nine and nothing else mattered to me but just him at my side. It was perfect. It was. Four years ago, I would wake up in the morning with a message on my phone from him. With a smile drawn on my face, I would send back my warmest morning greet. Never forget the smiley and a kiss. I would sigh with love and contentment and I was glad. Four years ago, someone would just show up at our house, greet my Mom and ask me out. We would ride on his motor bike, stroll at the seashore and eat wherever we go. I would sigh with love and contentment and I was glad. Four years ago, I would be surprised by his presents, be it on my birthday or holidays or even on usual days. I'm not fond of flashy, material things but he just showed me that he could give everything even if I don't ask him for it. I would sigh with love and co...

The most painful thing to feel        to get hurt even you don't have the right and suffer for real; The hardest thing to do        to deny the truth slapping hard at you; The most terrible thing to say        to smile and reply "I'm okay" - Icee

We met out of the blue       crossing paths with no clue and with just one "hello"       everything has burst into colorful hue I wonder why I felt it       butterflies and heart-in-mouth moments Those secret smiles and blushes       fooling my sanity as my blood rushes In the long run, unintentionally, I fell       to that baffling, unfathomable spell It's an inexorable swift collision,       A forbidden outburst of dismal emotions This madness has to stop       before things turn into uncontrollable sobs For you are unfortunately in someone else's arms       A destiny's ridicule right from the start - Icee

"With our baby bear" - the repeating memory of this post on his Facebook timeline was a hard blow for me. It's there, already slapping on my face, the heartbreaking, maddening truth. I tried hard to steer clear of him, by any means. I don't know what urged me to have a glimpse of his Facebook profile. Well, yeah, I missed him, so badly that I felt like I was going to become a madman. That's it. But then, no matter how I put my guard up against his haunting memory, I gave in. I wanted to know, too, if he's getting well. He was sick and I was too worried that I almost wanted to text him and ask him if he's alright. I felt like I was going to explode. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to ask. So I peered in to his account. And that was the most dreadful momentum in my life. "With our baby bear". Reading each word was a deep stab in my heart. I haven't seen the photos, though, but I know I've seen enough. It took seconds...

Looking at the sea, with a clear blue sky, drifted by the cool breeze, hearing the birds chirping, wind blowing, leaves rustling - it's just so calming and peaceful. Being alone is a blessing. Maybe some people would find it weird and eerie but I love the effect it has on me. I missed this. This must be the beginning of a much more matured perspective. I better do writing rather than talking because I'm not good at it. I should practice to put into writing whatever comes into my mind before I blurt it out and hurt others again. You know, I sometimes thought of life as an unfair struggle in this universe. People just say whatever they wanted to say not knowing that their words had struck me then just let it pass and forget. But then, when I will be the one to throw some sarcastic remarks, they'd just walk out as if I've made the most heinous crime in this sinful world. Yet, realization hits me that it just proved that people are different in two ways: on how to throw...