Sigh of Love

It has been four years since the last time I entered into a relationship. It was exciting, refreshing, colorful, lively and sweet. It was a first-class trip to cloud nine and nothing else mattered to me but just him at my side. It was perfect. It was.

Four years ago, I would wake up in the morning with a message on my phone from him. With a smile drawn on my face, I would send back my warmest morning greet. Never forget the smiley and a kiss. I would sigh with love and contentment and I was glad.

Four years ago, someone would just show up at our house, greet my Mom and ask me out. We would ride on his motor bike, stroll at the seashore and eat wherever we go. I would sigh with love and contentment and I was glad.

Four years ago, I would be surprised by his presents, be it on my birthday or holidays or even on usual days. I'm not fond of flashy, material things but he just showed me that he could give everything even if I don't ask him for it. I would sigh with love and contentment and I was glad.

Four years ago, someone would drag me by my hand. He held it so tight that my body cells were electrified. He wanted to show the world that "hey, this is my girl"! I was not used to that kind of publicity but it made me feel giddy. He held it so tight that both of our hands were already perspiring with care and compassion. I would sigh with love and contentment and I was glad.

Four years ago, someone would hug me so tight and wipe away my tears whenever I was down and discouraged with the world. He made me feel like I'm not alone and that he'd always be at my side. I would sigh with love and contentment and I was glad.

But that was four years ago. It's done. It's over. The tectonic plates have shifted. What was whole has been broken. From sweet beginning to bitter ending. From sworn promises to crumpled trashes. From lovely dreams to fitful sleeps. From perfect plans for the future to trampled memories of wasted past.

On that span of time, I must say I have fully recovered. I have moved on. I've accepted the undeniable fact that we're not designed to be together as what we have planned. The Law of Nature and Destiny have worked together to cut that not-so-good match. I sighed with relief. Maybe it was a wrong relationship, a wrong man, a wrong love. And I was freed from that horrible fantasy of love.

And now, here I am. 23 years old. A teacher. Single. I'm happy. I have my family, friends and colleagues. I laugh, dance, sing, hang-out, and eat a lot. But there is still this space that I could not fill in. A missing piece. A longing. A desire. I don't want to sound like a desperate, hopeless, pathetic single woman but I reached a point where I wanted to have someone, intimately. A man who can be at my side whenever I feel so down or high; whom I can talk to for four hours straight without getting bored or pissed; who will bring me to places I've never seen; who will say things that will melt my heart first thing in the morning; who will be with me to gaze up at the night sky and find patterns among the multitude of stars; who will laugh with me as I laugh my heart out; who will hold my hand so tight and drag me to wherever he wanted us to be; who will hold the small of my back so gentle that would send impulses throughout my body; who will sing in the front of many; and who would love me in his own simplest and honest ways.

I could not anticipate love the way I wanted it to be. It comes unexpectedly - catches you off-guard, stumbles at you or rushes at you while catching your breath. No one knows, but it will come. (Sigh)