New Heartbeat

I thought I would forever be miserable... I thought that would be the end of me... 



It was a shooting star, a swift passing light that astonished my senses, hypnotized my whole system by its fascinating brightness. But at the fleeting moment, it vanished, devoured by the darkness of the night sky and it was out of my sight. I could not fathom the sudden prickling of my scalp. I was startled by that unexpected mist blurring my eyes. Until I recognized the painful swelling in my heart, throbbing, raw, and almost tangible.

He might never intended to love me back. I was just good to feed his damn ego. It was his words that comforted me but it was his words too that doomed me. It was his touch that made me warm but it was his touch too that burned me. It was his embrace that made me feel secured but it was his embrace too that suffocated me. I was just another girl to be lifted at the peak of kaleidoscopic burst of mocking affection and leave me there hanging, alone, terrified.

I was there, at that highest point of the unknown. I could not look down because I was afraid that I would see him holding someone else. I could not just let go of my grip to the empty void because I knew no one would catch me. I was shrouded by the intense fear and I was lost.

But out of nothingness, a stream of light illuminated the dusky peak. It was calling me, pulling me, commanding me to follow its gleam. Then I found my way out. I was liberated from that spell, freed from that lie. I found my Hope. I found my Strength. I found my Peace. 

Yeah, I claim full responsibility of what I've been through. I was drifted by the wrong idea of love, I was carried away by those alluring words of promises, I always had those stupid racing heartbeats whenever he is within my vicinity of lunacy. I was fooled during those sleepless nights of pathetic fantasies where he kept running inside my head.

I am not mad at him either. I don't blame him for leading me into this. I can't blame him for making me feel so special yet he can't fight for me. I can't blame him for making me so happy yet he left me miserable. I can't blame him for uttering those gripping words which in the end torn me apart. I had nothing to be angry about. Nothing.

I know that this new-found Light was no accident. God searched for me, reached for me. I was lost and now I have found my way back to the track He has set for me. He revealed to me the Truth so I would be saved from that deception. He wiped away those tears so that my eyes would see again the beauty of life. He held my hand so it would grip again to the hope that I will never be alone again. He touched my heart so it would beat again to the genuine meaning of love. He proudly declares that I am His princess, that I am worthy to be pursued, to be longed for, to be loved.



And now I face each day with a stronger heart and braver soul. God, indeed has plans for us, and His plans are good. Oh, I'm having these racing heartbeats again...But this time, its a new heartbeat. <3



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